2010 is a new year
and should very well hold open so many exciting new doors for me.
In no more than a few short weeks i will be embarking on the journey that is my year 12. A scary yet exciting school year awaits me. For me this is the year that i need to put 1000 percent of myself into....to get the marks i need to get into the courses i have been dreaming about for years!
In less than 4 months i will be 18. Finally i can get into overage gigs and get away from stupid scenie boppers....finally i can go to clubs and venues...and finally i can get my medusa piercing and start getting my tatts.
But still i see myself dropping back into old habits.self hate and loathing because i am not good enough. At almost 18 i look around and realise all my friends are girls. Never in my life have i had a boy to fall back on...maybe thats why i suck so bad at the whole 'boy' thing. It makes me laugh that i have spent countless hours crying trying to figure out the reasons why boys just dont like me...spent countless hours standing in the mirror highlihting all of my flaws. I am a failure and i suck at life.
I know i need to get out of the hole and focus on school...something that actually matters...but old flaws and opinions of myself haunt me like ghosts.
I dont know what to do.
Anyone wanna trade bodies? Haha!