Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again, you'll just come back running...

ps...that's a fucking amazing song

but anyway

I'm still trying to remember what it felt like to smile a real smile....
when id stay up all night talking to you
and then the next day id tell everyone about all the cute things you'd said
you were the first boy to make me feel beautiful in so long
and when you went away for the first time you took that feeling with you
again you left me feeling repulsive and ugly, i hate myself and i cant get past it

when you came back i thought you'd bring that feeling with you
but you havent
it feels different now
because im waiting for you to leave again
you always leave
and then you come back at your liesure
just when i think its ohkay to forget you

and now i cant forget you
and i wait up every night hoping you will text me
and some nights when ive waited long enough ill text you
and hope that you will reply

you keep telling me youve missed me
but you were the one that went away
and i am the stupid girl that lies awake crying every night because i cant forget you, and i cant forget the way it felt to feel beautiful

and i know im ridiculous for letting a stupid boy determine how i feel about myself....but when your self confidence is in negatives you will graps at anything to feel good about yourself

now only time will tell me when you will leave again....and another night will pass when ill believe all the stupid things you say...because my heart thinks you've missed me and my heart thinks you care....and soon enough my heart will find out the real truth.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Day Zero Project- 101 Things In 1001 Days

i had an old list that i'd almost finished writing but never actually got around to completing....so im writing a new one and im going to start again.

Im staring a fresh and i want something to work towards :D

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

year 12 might just be the death of me....

this week i have gotten SAC results back for two of my subjects- legal studies and english. For both of these SACs i stressed my ass off, procrastinated and ended up cramming the night before. Somehow i got an /+ for legal and an A for english. I can only imagine how well i may have gone if i actually studied properly!

That is why, starting from next term, i am pulling my head out of my ass and studying proper.y i need better study habits and organisation if im actually going to do wlell this year!

Monday, March 22, 2010

and she leant over and whispered in my ear, this is where we'll stay my dear....

This past year has showed me just how grateful i am to have the people in my life i do have. These people all know who they are. Each one makes an impact on my life everyday. Today I was thinking about how grateful I am to have my friends and a quote my friend sent me popped into my head.

After a night of crying, I pretty much didn't know what else to do and I was sitting on facebook when I got a new message from Jean. Now Jean is probably one of the least serious people I have ever met....but the message she sent me made my tears go away and so I wanted to share it with everyone because it actually helped me a lot....

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too." - Lemony Snicket.

I love you, baby! Don't be sad :( If you ever need to wake up somebody in the middle of the night, I'm right beside you.

It would have to be one of the more beautiful things I've ever read...

So here is a thank you to the ones that make me smile...the ones that own my heart

Sarah Ashley Rita Hall...Jean Suyat...Bianka Brancatisano...Gemma Ratcliffe...Meg Doyle...Jessica DeFilippis...Rachel Kalenjuk...Rebecca Napoli, Nastassia Jones...Ally DeCesare...Carla DeCesare

And they told me curiosity killed the cat....

so i guess this blog is going to be a random verbal vomit of my days thinkings. lately everything i hear and see relates to love. but truely what is love and why is it so great?
for me the eternally single being love is my best friends. the girls that fill my days with smiles and laughter. the girls that make going to school just that little bit enjoyable. the girls i can say are close enough to be my sisters. for me that is as close to love as i know at this moment.


a mere four letters of our alphabet
just one word
a word that in the 21st century has lost close to all meaning
the word love has become so overused, so meaningless all because people throw it around recklessly.

This word, love, is a word i have longed to hear for close to the 16 years of my life, not longed to hear not at all, just to hear it with the meaning it really should hold.

To be loved, not by a mother or a sister, but to be loved by someone who doesn't have to have any connection with you, but on their own accord chooses to.
What does that feel like?
Is it as amazing as it sounds, as amazing as everyone says?
or because of the overuse of the word and the lack of meaning those four letters now hold when they are put together, does it feel irrelevant, lacking the emotion that the word LOVE, and when it is made into a sentence I LOVE YOU should hold.

i await my chance to truly feel what that answer is.

Chapter Three-LOVE
A four letter word. When combined with two others becomes the phrase i have longed to hear for so long. I still long to hear it, for it to hold the meaning it truly should. I hope some time soon i will truly find it. 2008 didn't consist of me finding love, just longing for it. There were times when i wish i had no emotions, when, if it wouldn't lead to death, i would have taken a scalpel and cut my heart out of my chest just to stop that feeling we all associate with the heart. That feeling called love, or in my case, more of a like. Still i search for that feeling we call love, the feeling that evokes such an array of emotions in two people who find each other and share "love". Maybe someday soon LOVE will actually have a true meaning in society. its overuse has led to the word LOVE being meaningless. Maybe when LOVE really means what it is supposed to i will find it.

but through my thinking and pondering and wondering i decided to google love and see what various people have said...

•a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his
work"; "children need a lot of love"
•any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has
a passion for cock fighting";
•have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and
works hard for him"

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." - Sophocles

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorothy Parker

"Love is friendship set on fire." - unknown

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong

"Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature." - Howard Thurman

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." - Karen Sunde

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen, (haha just for fun)

so out of all this i still wonder what is love? and why is it so great?
i guess one day i may find out.
just the ponderings of a girl....

lara jade photography

i am 100 percent absolutely in love with her work
the way she captures the femal figure is amazing
and her artworks are so beautiful

you should check out her work at:

or check her blog at:

Sunday, March 21, 2010

because we speak in pointless nothings....

so ive decided against deleting all my previous blogs.

Although i did read over it and realised that they do paint a rather bad picture of myself. This is why i have decided to post a blog telling you all a little bit about myself.
My full name is Gloria Brancatisano, my parents didnt believe in middle names.
Though i like the name Pixiie.....i wish more people called me it.
i am named after Gloria Estefan because she was my parent's favourite singer when i was born.
I was born on the 15th of May 1992, this makes me 18 very very soon.
i have a twin sister named bianka (not really with the k) she is a minute older than me.
this year i am in Year 12 and its freaking me out.
When i finish i hope to go to uni and study journalism.
i want to be a music journalist.
But as soon as my year 12 exams are over and i get back from schoolies i want to begin a piercing appreticeship.
i love tattoos and piercings, at the moment i dont have much of each.
Only both my ears stretched to a measley 10mm and my smiley done, but for my 18th im getting a medusa piercing.
i tried getting 'ALEX' tattooed in my lip but that was an epic fail, but as an 18th present (half from my best friend and half from myself) i am getting my thigh a tattoo. (ILL POST THE DESIGN WHEN IT IS FINALISED)
uumm i dont know what else to say.
im actually a pretty boring person.
i dont have any quirks or interesting facts that seperate me from the crowd.
Im just me: plain old simple Gloria.
i probably wont interest you from the get go,,,,and you might find me slightly obnoxious.
i have my own beliefs but i promise to accept yours.!
I am probably the most awkward and shy person you will ever meet, but you wont be able to tell through my writing.

ill add to this as it comes to me... :D

starting fresh

i feel as if i havent been here in a while. Like i havent had anything to say that would be even remotely worth saying but i feel as if i want to get back into blogging again....and this time properly. Im contemplating deleting all my old posts and starting a fresh but ill see as i go. However for tonight im going to go to sleep...but im going to try and post on here almost every day.

If you have blogspot follow me and ill follow you back :D