Realization...

...i can assure you, you were never a friend of mine.

for so long its been about him, and before it was about him, there were other assholes just like him that took my heart and then tried to give it back before i was ready.

but a few days ago i realized there has been someone who has been there through it all...someone who my heart longed for but my mind tried to pretend it didn't want.
i think this is because out of every boy I've ever longed for this boy is the most unattainable.

lately when i see him i get butterflies.....not those big angry mean ones, but little cute ones right at the pit of my stomach.

i know he isn't the sort of boy that would look at me the way i look at him....but its fun to pretend that maybe he might.

realization is a bitch...because it forces you to accept those little things you have been trying to hide, the parts of your thoughts you fight to forget and pretend they never popped into existence.

...but now i long for the day when your arms will be around me and it'll mean more than friendship....


...i hope one day we can be more than friends...